When you told people you were in a relationship that is mostly based online, you may have experienced some unpleasant or unsupportive reactions. You might have even avoided telling people all together for fear of that reaction. However, an unavoidable situation in most LDRs is having your family know about your relationship and experiencing the range of responses that may not be as supportive as you’d hoped. For some LDR couples, they are faced with complete disapproval of their relationship by their family and it creates an unfortunate strain between loved ones.
One of the most important things to do in this situation is listen and communicate! You may not want to, or feel you’ll never be listened to, but understanding where this disapproval is coming from may help you deal with the opposition and maybe eventually diminish this issue from your life all together.
So the first thing to ask yourself is, do I understand why they don’t approve of my relationship? Whether it be valid or just completely unfair, once the reason is known, the approach you take is going to be much more clear and decisively made.
Why does my family disapprove of my relationship?
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You’re underage and, in their eyes, they still have a say in the big decisions you choose to make.
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You’re of age but still living at home. Therefore, still at the mercy of their input and possible judgements.
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They simply don’t understand online relationships, making it difficult for them to trust that it’s real.
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Personal reasons such as culture, religion, money, tradition etc.
What else should I consider before breaching the subject with my family?
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Do they disapprove of me being in a relationship or is the issue specifically the distance?
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Am I happy and confident enough in this LDR to defend it at every turn?
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Is there a legitimate and reasonable cause for their disapproval?
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What am I willing to sacrifice to please my family, if anything?
How can I approach my family about this topic?
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Educate them on long distance relationships and online culture.
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Stay calm. If you are acting in an impatient and irritable way, it’s likely they will view and treat you like their child, not an adult.
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Listen to what they have to say. Despite what we sometimes may think, our parents will often have some decent advice based on experience of their own.
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Speak well of your partner and the positive ways they have contributed to your happiness.
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Express your expectations for this relationship, and find out what theirs are so you can best understand each others viewpoints.
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If you all feel comfortable enough to do so, invite them to interact with your partner on Skype.
Every individual relationship is unique and dealing with different issues. So whatever it may be, try to remember that you are ultimately in control of your life as long as you are able to support yourself.
It is often a sad reality that some families never approve of such relationships, and this is something that we have to be aware and ready for when we decide to involve our families in our long distance relationship.
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- Storytime: Our First Physical Hello - May 27, 2017
- Balancing a Social Life in a Long Distance Relationship - May 16, 2017
- Travelling Solo to See Your Long Distance Partner - March 25, 2017
- Online Date Night Suggestions - February 25, 2017
Thank you for this post. We recently got engaged during our first visit earlier this month on March 7th. Coming home I was met and still am dealing with my family acting oblivious to our engagment no congratulatoons or anything. I can’t even talk about my future husband, our future wedding, moving to USA. I’m ignoring them now full stop because my mum is acting like a child and playing games with me. She doesn’t respect my privacy but wont touch any of our photos, albums, evidence for the K1 Visa, and personal belongings John gave me. I’ve given up on trying with them. I don’t care if we never get their approval or blessing. We are getting married. John is my priority and everything. He is my future. I love him and will defend him always.
Hey Rachel, I’m so sorry to hear you’re experiencing that kind of reaction within your relationship. It’s heartbreaking not being able to share your love with your family. If others don’t want to be involved in something that’s important to you, that’s their loss. We hope the plans go ahead smoothly for you both and you have an amazing time. Please keep us updated on how your wedding goes!
The problem I’ve had not only from my family but also close friends & co-workers is that with all of the scamming going on, they all think that just because I’ve been talking to & corresponding with someone that I met online a year ago but haven’t met yet, they are doubting & hesitant to show they’re approval & support. It’s been a long haul for us as he’s been out of the country most of the time we’ve been “together” & it has definitely worn on me emotionally.
I totally understand ! Especially with shows like Catfish, it can be hard to convince others that you’re not being lied to and going into some sort of dangerous trap. All you can do is be safe, keep showing them how happy and serious you are with the relationship, and eventually the support will come 🙂